Morning was raising, casting most of the bedroom in shadows. It was dreary outside, cold and wet, light rain falling, the weather matching the feelings simmering inside of her. Fear.

Slowly she stood up, making sure not to make a single sound, her feet hitting the carpet with utter silence. Her breathing quickened, and she was on edge as she roamed the walls, her eyes scattering the room for something sharp, something she could use in an attack. Marlena couldn't stand still. She couldn't do much of anything, even breathing seemed like a massive chore.

She stared at the door, from time to time her eyes scanned the room for a letter opener, a pen, something, anything that will give her some faux feeling of power. Her long fingers grasped a  pair of scissors. Now, she was on her way to the door. She will not hide, she will not run, her running and hiding days were over, this was the time to fight back. On her tiptoes, she moved slowly to the side of the door with the stillness of a cat. It felt like it took forever getting there, she took a deep breath, her back stiffened against the cold wall. She was ready. She was not prepared. She didn't know if she'll ever be.

The door finally opened, and in the darkness, she managed to make out a tall figured of a man, he slowly peeked inside the room. Without giving it a second thought she raised her trembling hands above her head, holding the sharp metal object tightly between her palms, she was about to strike when-

 

“Marlena?...”

 

Why was this voice so familiar?

She choked a sob, causing the man to turn around quickly, placing his hands in mid-air, protecting his face. Out of instinct, he grabbed her hands, spinning her body, squeezing her back good and hard against his chest.

“Take your hands off me!!” the scream came from deep inside of her like it was bottled up, only waiting for something to happen so she could let it out

“Marlena?” his voice sound surprised, and she felt his warm breath on her nape. Releasing her wrists, he turned her around. She let out a long sigh of relief, or was it astonishment, either way, she wanted answers.

“Roman?! What on earth are you doing here?”

 

"Oh Doc, I’m so sorry!" Roman sigh, flicking the switch light on, looking at her with embarrassment. “I was worried when I called you, and you didn’t pick up, so I came over, and you didn’t open the door...I was afraid something has happened to you...the super let me in...I’m sorry I scared you. Are you all right?” he was attempting conversation now, a semblance of normalcy.

"I almost stabbed you." Marlena exhaled a breath she was holding for far too long, placing her palm to her forehead, bowing her head. Suddenly, she realized her body was covered only by John’s shirt, he noticed that too.

She was slender, and her long legs were bruised at her ankles, a reminder to the abused she went through.

"Marlena, I’m sorry..." he repeated, she turned to the bed and sat on it, trying to cover her legs with the soft comforter. "I was just so worried about you...and when you didn't answer the door I was-"

“Roman...I’m fine” she was clearly lying, they both knew it, and she was clearly unharmed, and he hated the fact that he has caught her off guard. She looked at him, a small smile curled his lips. "I know you’re fine Doc, you are a fighter… " looking at his hand, he raised up the bag he was holding and opened it up, the smell of fresh croissants and coffee hitting her nose, “I got us some breakfast...are you hungry?”

Usually, she loved the buttery smell of croissants, it’s been so long since she had a nice breakfast, but a wave of nausea crossed through her body, and all she could think of was running toward her bathroom. Pushing him away, she bolted into the small room. The sound of her throwing up hitting Roman’s ears and he was puzzled, although, something about this situation felt too familiar. He came closer, slightly opening the white door, seeing her standing up, her hands holding the rims of the sink.

 

Marlena stood at the bathroom and was just about to splash some water on her face at the sink when the door opened, and he walked in.

He. Walked. In. She wasn’t scared. Even after everything that had happened, she knew him, she knew he wouldn’t hurt her.

But still she was intimidated, and she hated that she looked like a reck. Roman’s eyes landed on the mirror in front of her, before they leveled on her face, and her mind raced. His gaze told her he knew exactly what was going on. He remembered. He remembered everything. His eyes met hers, and her stomach knotted again. Her heart fluttered in her chest, and an urgent need to fill the awkward silence slammed into her, but she didn’t know what to say, or how to say it. Luckily, he spoke first, “Oh…..Doc...” yes, he definitely knew, there was no denying it.

The words left her mouth before she had the chance to swallow them, “Don’t worry about it” she cleaned her mouth with a washcloth, placing it back on the hanger, she turned. He didn't know what to say, he merely looked at her, quietly. She was so slender, her long legs peeked under a man’s shirt, probably John’s, a couple of buttons were open at the top, revealing the swell of her chest. It didn’t matter that she was bruised, that she was pale, to him, she was always the most beautiful woman in the world. All he wanted to do right there and then, was taking her in his arms, but her answer was too cold, distant, so he stopped himself.

“Doc….c'mon, I know you...talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“How far along are you?”

He knew. Of course, he knew. Marlena didn't reply, speaking about it made it real, and she was trying to forget, feeling guilty for resenting an innocent baby, who might be John’s.

He waited for her to speak, shoving his hands into his coat pockets, she took a deep breath, “I’m 6 months in” her eyes finally meeting his, she was afraid of doing so, trying to avoid the pity looks.

“Oh, so it must be Kit’s I’m guessing” he blurted but immediately regret it even before her eyes shot daggers at him, she pushed off from the sink and moved past him to leave the bathroom. He followed her with his eyes. “Doc, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.. I shouldn't assume the worst...I’m not sure what to say...I was so worried about you, all these months with this monster, not knowing when and if you’ll ever see your family again, having him hurting you like that”—his eyes swiped her body—“I wish I could help you in a way.”

“I’m beyond help Roman, I’m broken, I’m lost...I can’t even look myself in the mirror..” she didn’t know why she was telling him all this. She didn’t know why she was speaking to him at all. She should’ve yelled or stormed out of the bedroom after what he’d said. A tiny sad part of her knew he wasn’t to blame for her current state. It was her choice to take Kit as her apprentice, to go to the conference in Fiji. The choices were hers.

 

“You survived,” he told her, ”by doing what you had to do. By adapting. That’s the nature of survival, Marlena, and you know it too.”

She didn’t say anything.

“You’re strong, and that helped you, but this doesn’t define you. You are a vibrant woman with your whole life ahead of you. Don’t confuse what you had to do to survive with who you are, no one could ever break you or your spirit, Doc” he came closer and laid comforting hands on her shoulders, she flinched “Oh Roman, don’t...” her eyes shut, and a voice echoed her mind...

 

....“Well, well, well, Kitten, I love your spirit!” he spoke through his teeth, his dark eyes so close to hers, “It’s a shame it won't do you any good, you see, I have every intention in breaking your spirit and when I will-”

“You’ll never succeed in breaking it!” she cut him off, her whole body fighting him off, she was getting tired, but she had to keep on fighting, she couldn’t bear going through yet another one of his assaults.

He chuckled, and it made her jaw clenched with anger, “Oh, but I will” grabbing her chin he yanked her head to the right, exposing her ear, she felt his tongue trailing a wet line along her jaw until he reached her ear, “I.Have.A.Plan” he whispered, licking her ear in between words. Marlena twitched, trying to move her head to no avail “....stop it...let me go, just please..let me go...I miss my family...my children..” her voice broke, and Kit could see a big tear rolling down her face.

“Children” he spat. “Believe me when I say this Kitten, you’re kids would be better off without you. You see, moms are so overrated. I had one, look at all the good it did to me!” he almost yell, still holding her tight. His words cutting her heart like thousands of knives. Hitting her like a brick wall. To her, her children were everything, especially Belle. She was so young still, and she missed her like crazy, her body ached with the yearn to hold her close.

 

Seeing her reaction he smiled, “Awww, princess, are you missing your children? Awww that’s adorable, too bad they will never see you again. Who needs them anyway, you know” he pressed his body tighter to hers while he turned her head back to look into her eyes. She was quiet, her eyes red with tears and lack of sleep.

“If ever comes a day that I will find out that you are pregnant.” he stared into her hazel orbs, his look was dark and intense.

“I’d kill you.”

 

Her body stiffened against his hand, and she shivered, her hands sent to her stomach, pulling away, her face was concerned again. She looked downright horrified. “Marlena...” He said as she bit her lip. “What are you gonna do?” That was a very good question.

“For now, I’m coping,” she lifted her eyes at him, “I’m a psychiatrist, I know all that there is to know about how to survive this and with time, I’ll heal….Never fully heal, but I’ll deal with it much better.”

Survivors make it because they learn to adapt. Adaptation is coping. Coping is strength, she repeated the mantra in her head.

“Are you going to see someone?” He tucked one hand in his pocket, using his free one to tousle his hair.

“Please don’t start this with me too…” she swung her hair and pulled the pink robe around her body, pressing it tightly to her toned figure, she wasn't really showing, although there was a light glow to her skin.

“Marlena...you’ve been through so much and-”

“Please...stop it..”

“Doc, you know better than that...you need to get some therapy, you need to tal-”

“I said enough!” she gazed at him, felt wrong for lashing out, but she couldn’t take it, she couldn't take the commands anymore, Marlena was out of control for so long that all she ever wanted was to gain it back.

“I’m sorry..” she blurbed finally, “I need time...I cant...I can't talk about this...not yet.”
“Ok. Just know that I’m always here for you, I-”

“I know” cutting him off, she didn’t want to listen to this, she didn’t really want his comforting words, all she wanted was John and couldn’t have him. This man in front of her was once her safe place, her peace of mind, her life, but no, not anymore.

“It’s all right to talk about this Marlena, to cry about it..you know that” Roman stepped closer, making sure not to touch her

"Sometimes," she said while gripping tight the fabric of her own robe, “You run out of tears long before you run out of hurt"

It made him flinch and there was quiet in the room. He wanted to hold her, to hug her tight but he knew he couldn’t.

“Alright Doc” he said finally, feeling foolish for not knowing what to say “I think I’d better leave now, take care, ok?” his hands were sent to her forearms again, and it made her flinch, she tensed, he remembered, “I’m sorry” whispering close to her ear, not touching her.

She nodded as he passed around her and left the room.

 

*****

 

“Laura, you out of all people should know that a person needs to want to get help...twisting her arm to do so, won't do her, you or your friendship any good”, Emma sat up straight, passing her long fingers in her black hair, tucking it behind her ear. She loved visiting there, the hospital was such an interesting place, she knew many people there and it was always a great joy to come and see her friend, Laura. Although, it’s been forever since she was last there. Laura was away for so long, and Emma just got out of a long-term relationship. So, she was pleased they had this time to meet and talk, even if it was about someone else.

“Oh, Emma, I know..” Laura rolled herself backward in the chair, “but I’m so frustrated. She's clearly in great need of help, you should have seen the look in her eyes...she's broken,lost..she needs to talk about it. I wish she’s come and see you. I know that subconsciously, Marlena knows it too!” Laura stood up, raising her hands to the air with frustration “she’s a psychiatrist too! She knows she needs to process that, she-”

“Laura” Emma stopped her, lifting a hand to make it clearer, “you’ve said it yourself, she’s a psychiatrist, she knows these kinds of things. Let her do things at her own pace, it sounds like she’s been through hell and back...I would not push her if I were you”.

 

Laura opened her mouth to respond, but a knock on the door interfered her thoughts, “come in.”

The office door opened and Marlena walked in, and somehow, it seemed to Emma that she brought the sun with her when she walked in. Her smile was so warmly that Emma couldn't take her eyes off her face. She wore a pink pencil skirt and tight white blouse.

“Marlena” Laura sigh and came close to her friend, something about her voice went up and down when she spoke, like she was trying to hide something, Emma picked up on it too.

“I’m so glad to see you.”

“Oh, me too” she smiled and looked behind her, “I’m sorry, I didn't know you were with a patient, I’ll come back later” turning on her heels to leave, Laura blurbed out, “No, she’s not a patient,” but she regretted that comment immediately.

“Oh”

Emma stood up, reaching out her hand to grab the hand of the ridiculously beautiful woman in front of her, “Hey, Dr. Evans, a pleasure to meet you in person, I’ve read so much of your work.”

Marlena smiled and shook her hand, Emma's shake was firm, and her eyes danced when she smiled at her, “why, thank you miss? I didn’t catch your name.”

“Oh my apologies, I’m Emma, Dr, Emma Snow.”

She has heard that name before, yes, Laura mentioned it last night at her penthouse. Marlena froze in place, her hand stopped shaking the woman’s hand, Laura’s eyes shut with a hint of fear.

“Oh, I see” drawing her hand back, she broke the shake, and Emma looked at Laura, wondering what she was missing. You could have cut the tension in the room with a knife.

“Marlena-” Laura started, passing Emma to reach her friend before she’ll leave the room.

“No, Laura" she raised her hand to buffer between them, "it’s all right,  finish your nice conversation with Dr. Snow, I bet you still need to fill her in on all the details of my situation.”

“Oh, no, Marlena, please, it’s not what you think.”

Turning away, Marlena opened the door, looking to the side she spat, “If you need any more details, here’s a juicy one for you, I had a terrifying nightmare last night. Discuss”

With that she walked out of the office, slamming the door behind her.