She opened her eyes. The room was sunny, it felt like she was off for days. Trying to sit, she felt dizzy and laid her head back to the pillow. Her eyes examined the bedroom, yes, it was the same bedroom. The same bedroom Stefano hurt her. She felt sick and she couldn’t stand to be in that bed, in that room any minute longer. Trying to stand up, she stumbled and fell to the floor. “Damn…” she murmured to herself, holding to the night stand she managed to stand up.

Suddenly the door opened, it was John. He looked better, rested. He smiled “ hey Doc..what are you doing up? How’s your head?” Coming closer to her. She felt dizzy for a second and he quickly grabbed her forearm. “Hey…. pretty lady, you ok there?” He tried to catch her eyes but she held her palm to her forehead and inhaled deeply, her eyes shut.

She nodded “ I’ll be all right. I just need to get out of this room. Please John..let's just got out of here”

He exhaled and bit his lower lip, he felt guilty for even letting her in there, to begin with but he was so out of it last night, he didn’t even remember how’d they had left the roof. “Of course Doc, I’m sorry..” they stepped out of the room but then he held her hand, stopping her from taking any step forward “Doc.. ammm I ought to tell you something before heading downstairs” he looked inside her hazel orbs, she still looked tired but she was

so beautiful. “Oh?”

“Yeah..Roman’s here” he closed his teeth, trying to find the quickest explanation to what took place last night on the roof. “Roman? How?.. what is he doing here?” She was confused but somewhat happy. All of a sudden her expression changed when she realized what Roman might discovered, this didn’t go unnoticed by John “ Doc, don’t worry. He doesn’t know any details of last night. He was accusing us of calling him or something so he came over, I was pretty beat when he arrived. It seemed that Stefano chloroformed you and he was about to take you away and Roman stopped him…” just the name of this beast made her sick to her stomach again. She kept silent and he continued.

“He was so angry.. I had to tell hi-“

“does he know-“ she spoke finally, cutting him off mid-sentence “ does he know I agreed to this..deal” in lack of better words. She didn’t know what to call it anymore.

“No. I thought you would want to decide what to tell him yourself, but Doc.. mmm.. I don’t think you should tell him anything”

Her head turned to search his eyes, she frowned her eyebrows, staring at him, letting out a long groan

“ oh John, you don’t mean that.. I can’t keep that away from him”

“Doc, no matter what Stefano might have said to you last night, or how he manipulated you to think that it was a fair deal, it wasn’t, it was what is was, rape”

She rolled her eyes and turned her back to him

“ John… “ her fingernails tapping on her teeth, she felt her tears rushing in.

“I know that.. I know that.. I just..if he knew that I did that in order to save you he would-“

“ leave you for good. I know how much you want to get back together with him. Don’t ruin your chance for happiness” he turned her to face him, holding his warm palms to her cheeks. Her eyes were wet and she didn’t know what to think..she remember what happened at the hotel with John, how good it felt, she missed his touch, his kisses..they haven’t touched each other like that since the night at the hot springs. She wiped her tears with her finger

“you’re right.. I won’t”.

 

Ever since they got back to Salem, Roman wouldn’t leave her sight. He was always hovering around her, bringing her breakfast in bed, rubbing her feet at night. This all could be oh so very sweet if only she wasn’t feeling such a hypocrite.

She didn’t want to talk about the rape. At all. Especially not with him, she’d have to pick her words and she hated that. She hated the fact that she’s lying to him again but John was right. If he knew that she let that monster have her, in exchange of John’s life, he would never forgive her. It was her choice though, hers alone, but she knew what it meant, she knew why she agreed to go through with it. It was always John but she had commitments to her family.

Feeling like that only fueled her guilt.

She hasn’t seen John since they got back, it’s been 2 weeks now. She buried herself with work. Working again made her feel in control. When she was helping others, she wasn’t a rape victim anymore, she wasn’t Roman’s wife, she was only a psychiatrist, a good one actually.  She wouldn’t let Roman touch her. She couldn’t. Something kept holding her back. Something greater than her ordeal. She blamed it on her guilt trip.

 

The phone rang. She finished typing her note on the computer and picked it up “ Dr. Evans” she smiled “ hey sweetheart, how are you doing?” She could hear his smile over the phone “ Roman.. I’m well, I hope you’re not waiting for me for supper. You remember I promised to stay tonight and be on duty” closing her last patient file, she stood up, taking it in her hand “ yeah, I remembered, I just wanted to check up on you..”

“ I’m ok Roman.. really..” saying that made her sound impatient but she just didn’t want to go there, not now, not here. “ ok, ok, I can get a hint. I’m off to the office as well, we might have a new hot lead on the Johnson case”

“ that’s great. I’ll see you in the morning. Be safe” she smiled and hung up the phone after saying their goodbyes.

She sat on her couch, taking the remote in her hand, she turned the music on. Closeting her eyes she leaned in and let her head drop backward. Truth be told, she was tired, tired of what her life has become. While thinking and listening to the soft tunes, she drifted off with her thought and fell asleep.

 

He wanted to give her space. They never talked about what nearly happened at tthe hotel They didn’t talk at all. He wanted to give her time to make an ends with Roman without him getting in the way of her happiness.

He didn’t really want to be in that hospital that evening but he had his final MRI test. Mike wanted to be sure everything was ok after everything Stefano has given him. He was on his way to the elevator when he got s glance of her office’s door. It was closed, she must be home by now, he thought and waited for the lift to arrive. The floor was so quiet, he liked it that way.
Suddenly, he heard a loud scream.
He knew that voice.
It was her.