Sawyer woke up to the sound of a woman screaming. He got up quickly, trying to make something of the loud sobs when he finally found her lying inside the tiny jet’s closet, what was she doing there? It seemed she was right in the middle of a nightmare. Holding her forearms, he tried to wake her up, “Dr Evans? What are you doing here?” Marlena thrashed around in his arms. Concerned, he released the woman from his grasp, but Marlena continued to fight his presence on the floor.

 

She apparently had an awful nightmare. "Marlena," he said softly. "Wake up. It's just a dream." At Marlena's continued movements, Sawyer touched the woman's shoulder lightly and felt Marlena jerk away in response. "Marlena, wake up," he said urgently, and the woman leaped up into a sitting position, gasping for breath.

 

"Marlena it was just a dream. You're okay. .." Sawyer reached over to put his hand on Marlena's shoulder, she finally woke up.  Sawyer was startled to have the woman cringe in response to his touch. Still, he kept talking, trying to calm the woman with his voice. "Marlena, you're safe. No one is going to hurt you. It’s ok, wake up.... It was just a nightmare."

 

After a moment, Marlena's breathing returned to normal, and she adjusted her position on the floor so that she was sitting with her arms wrapped around her knees. She sank her head into her knees, and concentrated on calming herself down, while Sawyer continued to murmur soothing phrases in her direction. He wasn’t sure what to say, but he kept on talking.

Eventually, she lifted her head and looked at him, eyes haunted. "It’s ok..." she said, embarrassed. "Really, I'm fine now."

Sawyer shook his head. "You don't need to be sorry.... But you don't seem fine." he paused, not knowing whether Marlena would welcome his comfort or his questions right now, so he said nothing more. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Marlena shook her head. "Just tell me, are we there yet?”.

"Hold on, hold on, I am the one who should be asking the questions now..," Sawyer pointed out. After another silent moment, he asked softly, "what are you doing here?" he was well aware of the answer, of course. Sawyer knew her background story, only did he know that what he knew, was only the tip of the iceberg.

Marlena shrugged. "Well, isn’t it obvious?, I’m going back to Maison Blanche with you. My business is my own”

"Oh, please," Sawyer said. "You’re sneaking around to the ISA jet, falling asleep, waking up screaming bloody murder..." he looked at Marlena searchingly, thinking for a second he asked; "What were you even dreaming about?" Marlena had already declined to talk about the dream, but Sawyer thought it might be worth asking.

 

Marlena stood up and began to pace around the aircraft. She didn't need to talk about any of this, especially not with him, but he seemed to want to know. Marlena could only talk in generalities, and not reveal much of anything. "You knew I was there..at that..horrible house," she said.

Sawyer nodded, frowning.

 

"I was there for a very long time," Marlena said, in a voice devoid of emotion. "Over six months."

"No one knew about it?" Sawyer asked quietly.

"Just the two of us, until one day John finally showed up.. And everything went south from there.”

"I’m sorry," Sawyer said sadly and shook his head.

“I hate him," she spoke finally, looking outside of the jet’s window into the darkness of the night.

“Him?” he asked.

But Marlena was done sharing secrets. She could hear the pity in Sawyer's voice, and that just wouldn't do. She had talked more than enough tonight, and she was embarrassed. "It's fine," she said briskly. "It's over now."

 

Sawyer could see the woman's embarrassment, and he wanted desperately to stop Marlena from closing herself off, he wanted answers. "Marlena, I know there's nothing I can say to make up for any of what happened to you.  I know I can't erase your past. .. all I can tell you is that-"

Marlena, however, was in full damage-control mode. "I told you, Sawyer, I'm fine. It’s over."

"But, the nightmares–"

"I think you should stop talking now," Marlena said briskly, interrupting whatever Sawyer had been about to say.

 

He wanted to say something, anything, to let Marlena know he wanted her to keep on talking, he had to focus, to say something, he also wanted her to know that whatever she said, he would never forgive her for what she’d done.

But Marlena was not about to let him in or listen to his words. She was ashamed and vulnerable, and when Marlena felt vulnerable, she closed herself off. Sawyer made one last attempt. "There are things that I need to say, Marlena."

"No," she said. "Leave me alone. We're not in a relationship, I don’t even know you. We shouldn't even be talking about this at all."

He nodded angrily, a part of him understood why Marlena was acting this way, but he was angry nonetheless. "Okay," he said quietly. "Get up, don’t sleep on the floor, use the sofa, please." Helping the pregnant woman up, she stood up, fixing her clothes.

 

After Sawyer left to the laboratory, Marlena sank down onto the sofa and put her head in her hands. She couldn't believe that she'd talked with Sawyer about what happened, well, some of it, and she was afraid of how badly he'd wanted to get more information. She needed to protect herself, and she needed to remember the boundaries with Sawyer.

 

Marlena Evans didn't share personal details with anyone, least of all him, her newest acquaintances.

She was alone, so alone and for some reason, It was becoming far too easy to trust Sawyer, and Marlena didn't like that one bit.

 

He settled on top of the sofa at the cockpit, wanting desperately to go back to finish their conversation, he needed some answers. He could see how upset she was, and he tried to reassure her that he could be trusted, it was always the best technique. But he knew she needed some time to accept what had happened. He suspected that Marlena would find a way to reach out to him by tomorrow – actually, technically today, given the time – and he needed to be patient and wait for Marlena to be ready. Sawyer just wished that he could make her talk. Tell him what he wanted to know, even if it took the rest of the night. But maybe someday. Someday soon, he hoped.

 

 

 

******

 

 

Sawyer discovered Marlena in the upstairs rear bedroom of the two-story mansion. The fourth wall was missing due to the explosion, and she looked deep in thoughts. This was the first time Sawyer was investigating something without a partner, he was always ready, always waiting to hear someone else’s commentary on the evidence they found. Marlena didn’t hear him coming in, her eyes scanned the ruins on the floor, seeing parts of wood, stone blocks, fabrics and furniture, the smell of burned wood hitting her nose.

 

Most detectives on the ISA dismissed Sawyer for he was a new recruit, which he never stopped using to his advantage. But these days, he didn't carry himself with poise. There was something on his mind, and he needed to go to that mission alone, or so he thought.

 

In the past year, Sawyer’s former partner had been pushing him to step up, take the lead. It had resulted in a few battles, which lead him nowhere. Certainly, with his partner gone and cooper now serving as lead detective of the squad, Sawyer had felt that he would better stop trying, he was ready to be left alone. Being alone was safe. No one can hurt you when you’re alone.

 

Alone.
It was the least he could do not to go insane. Being alone helped him focus. Sawyer glanced up as he walked in, the ceiling was missing as well. Marlena was kneeling on the floor beside a rumpled queen-size bed, holding a book pulled from beneath the heavy furniture. Sawyer made it three feet into the cramped, dank space and wrinkled his nose. It smelled like burned wood, plastic, and sweat. In other words, like a crime scene.

“Do you know this room?” he asked.

“I do,” she muttered, not looking at him. Sawyer arched a brow.

“It’s a mess now...my former partner was always best at recreating crime scenes” he observed the room. Sawyer’s former partner had many skills, some included reconstruction of crime scene at the ISA. One of the more refined members of the species.

“There’s no need” she whispered, “I know what happened in here all too well. This is not the room we are looking for” standing up, she placed her hand on the bed for support, cleaning her dark pants

“Lead the way” Sawyer gestured to the door.

 

Marlena could feel dust and dirt and small rocks underneath her feet, the north wing of the big mansion was blown to pieces. It was getting late, and they needed to gather evidence to take back to the lab, after all, that was the purpose of their arrival to that haunted place.

She stood in the middle of a small hill made out of wood, rocks, and Garbage. Lifting her head off to the evening sky, she could see her half blown room on the second floor, the place she spent months and months trying to escape. It looked so easy to run away from there now when it was all open, sure, jumping from a two-story house might cause her, her limb or her life, but it was a life without Kit, and that was the most critical part.

 

“Where?” he was the first one breaking the odd silence, looking at her back as she scanned the area. “There” she pointed out a finger to the ground, “the staircase to the roof was right here and..he was standing around here where the place...blown up..” her voice trailed to a low whisper.

Taking a see-through plastic bag from his inner pocket, Sawyer came closer and bent right next to Marlena. A small silver spoon he found among the ashes help him to scoop some of the dirt into the bag, he zipped it, rolled It to a tight roll, and shoved it into his pocket.

“That’s it?” , was all she could say when he tugged his hands into his pockets, the cold wind was blowing and the clouds above them seemed angry, a heavy storm was on its way, she felt the weather understood her in a way.

“Yes. The guys from the lab will analyze the dirt, and they'll know if there are any human remains in this bag. If so, we will know that Agent Harington is indeed, Deceased”  There was something so mechanical in his voice, she couldn't hear the name Agent Harrington or Kit without feeling instant nausea and dizziness.

 

Marlena picked up a shiny metal bar from the ground beside her.  She examined it hesitantly, studying the way the light reflected off the round edges, it was the spreader-bar Kit used on one of his assaults, her hands shook violently and the metal object fell to the ground with a loud thump.

It was not that she hasn’t tried...to get away.
When she first came back from the dungeon, after he raped her for the first time, Marlena swore the air smelled like garbage, the sound of Belle’s laughter was fading from her mind, John’s quick grin was leaving her memory.
All those days of captivity.
All those nights of horror.
And now this.
She’d survived.
She’d done it.
Kit was dead,  she witnessed the explosion.
she was alive, and she’d never go back again.
she’d forget everything.
Even that last day, when John was shot.
She’d never forget it all, the things she’d said, the things she’d done, the promises she’d made.

 

Her friends told her she was brave and strong and amazing. Roman told her she was resilient and to never doubt what she had done. Survivors survive. Marlena Evans was a survivor.
But the air can’t stay rotten forever.
And eventually, she grew more concerned about her own screams at night... All the things she thought she could forget.
She didn’t.
All the things she wanted to leave behind.
She couldn’t.
It was not that survivors weren’t entitled to happily-ever-afters. It was just . . . After surviving comes living. And in real life, some days are gray. And some nights are hard. And sometimes she cried for no good reason, and felt sorry for herself, she used to look in the mirror and she didn’t recognize the woman looking back at her.
Who was she?
A person who once loved the company of people? Or a woman scratching her fingers raw against the inside wooden door, trying to get out of that dreadful room? A woman holding a gun, looking down at the man she despised, depended upon, fears? Remembering the night of her rescue, she was about to shoot him, this was her moment. This was it.
Only she was stopped, yet again.

 

 

Marlena kept quiet and looked around her, a small rain dropped landed on her nose, and she lifted her eyes to look up at the black clouds.

“We better find some shelter” Placing his hand on her shoulder when he spoke, she shivered.

“Oh, Brad….please don’t touch me” Turning to face him, she almost felt guilty, but she couldn't bare an unknown man touching her. Her eyes scattered the premises, finding a half-burned pool house at The West Wing of the house. The thought of Passing by the pool made her sick, she remembered all too well what occurred there a few months ago. She could almost see Dr. Harley floating in the blue-red water.

The rain got stronger, and they quickly got inside the small house, closing the door behind them.
 

The rain didn't stop. It was dark, and the room was quiet, too quiet. Marlena found a small armchair and set there, looking outside she examined the storm, the sound of the wind, and the smell of burned wood.

Thinking about John, her mind drifted to sleep.

 

 

********

 

 

Not wanting to wake her, Sawyer turned around to go back to his guarding post, when he suddenly realized that Marlena was talking in her sleep. "No, please...stop..," he heard and got closer to wake her from yet another nightmare.

 

At first, the woman cringed away from his touch, but Sawyer kept talking and shaking the woman gently until she was finally awake. "Marlena," Sawyer said softly, "It was only a dream. It's okay." Once he'd given Marlena a chance to compose herself, he tentatively reached out to pull her into his arms and was relieved when the woman sank into his embrace, something about holding a woman in his arms, felt so right, but only for a second, when Marlena realized what was happening and jerked back up.

“Oh, Sawyer...don't..”

The room was dark, a broken window raddled when the cold wind blew right into the quiet space of the pool house. They just sat there in silence for a while, with Marlena trying to slow her breathing and relax her body. “Marlena” she heard his voice in the darkness, “tell me about the hideout. What happened there?” he needed to know, the questions were burning inside his head for months, and she was finally there, with no place to go. Her palms reached to caress her already grown belly, taking a deep breath.

“Don’t...it's none of your business..”

“I’m an ISA agent, Dr. Evans, so I'm making this ‘my business’ ”, he was furious, his blood boiled in a matter of seconds from her reply, “You wanted to come back here, I allowed you to-”

“Allowed me?!” cutting off his words, her ton raised

“You should thank your lucky stars I didn't ask for an emergency landing, leaving you somewhere unknown in the middle of the night” he frowned, but she couldn’t see his face in the shadows. There was a full moon that night, but he stood where she couldn’t really make anything of his expressions.

“Oh really? You would have left 8 months pregnant woman, stranded in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night?”

“Well...no one asked you to sneak onto this jet at 8 months pregnant, that’s on you...” he growled, shoving his hands into his coat, shrugging his shoulders.

 

Marlena kept silence, breathed in and out quietly before she spoke again, “what is it that you want from me, Brad?”

“I want answers...your dream...Was it about that agent?"

Sawyer was annoyed that Marlena seemed unwilling to talk to him. Marlena never wanted to speak of it again, she was worried because she knew that for some reason, he needed her to remember the horrors of her past. He wanted to find a way to make her talk, especially now, that he had her all to himself.

 

Knowing she won't talk about what he really wanted to know, he tried a different angle.

From her report, he knew that Marlena's tendency to keep everything bottled up couldn't be helpful, and wanted to see if he could get the woman to talk at least a little bit. So he took a risk, despite knowing that his questions might not go over well.

"Your dream, was it about Kit Harington?" he asked quietly.

Her head snapped, she looked at him.  He could see her nodding silently in the moonlight

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sawyer asked, hoping the woman wouldn't turn him down, maybe through that, he would find the path to the truth, the path to what he really wanted to know.

 

Marlena shrugged. "It was just like most times – he was in my room." She left it at that. She wasn't going to go into details.

In her room? On her ISA report, there wasn't too much data. All they knew was that she had the information they needed, so they held her hostage until she spoke, which he didn’t know if she ever revealed anything useful.

 

Sawyer could tell that Marlena wasn't going to give specifics, and he certainly wasn't going to push in those areas. So he took a different approach. "Marlena did he... Do you remember how it all started?"

She shook her head. "It's hazy. The mind can be a funny thing sometimes...besides... I... I was drugged."

Sawyer looked at her in confusion, waiting for the woman to elaborate.

She blew out a deep breath, and continued, " I don’t remember much from the beginning... I...I wasn’t myself...but when he got me here... it was always after I fell asleep or right before. He would come into my room in the dark, waking me up... I could have barely see him, and in the morning it seemed so surreal, I was in that room, again... I thought I was dreaming, I think I was determined to ignore it... I thought maybe I was dreaming the whole thing." She shook her head. "Only it wasn’t a dream...he proved me that..time and time again." why was she telling him all of this? He wasn’t John, Laura, not even Emma...there was something about being in that place again that made her weak, submissive if you will, or was it the full moon that had put her under a spell.

 

 

Shocked, he couldn't even begin to understand how isolated that felt, and how terrifying. Knowing that his anger wouldn't do Marlena any good right now, he decided to stop pushing for the time being, he still needed to get some answers. Sawyer was sorry for this lady, but he had other issues to resolve. Understanding that he needed to take things slow with her, he tried to focus on keeping Marlena talking. "When did you realize it wasn't a dream?"

"One night I was at my room, my hip was hurting, and I could barely move." she caressed the place she was injured a while ago, "Suddenly, he came in. I was so scared…  he took me to the dungeon...I couldn't stop him...he..he.." her voice broke but she wouldn't let her mind go back to that horrible time, so she pulled herself together and continued, "..afterward in my room, I wanted to finish it all right there and then...finish my miserable life with him..."

 

Suicide?

 

"But you didn’t.." Sawyer said gently, realizing that she was actually talking to him.

"I did. But I was found by a woman, a doctor – she took care of me...you see, I found out that I was pregnant” she looked down to her big belly, “It wasn’t just my own life to consider anymore... So I just let him keep doing whatever he wanted, for a long time."

Marlena sighed, wishing she could somehow go back and fix the awful events of her past.

 

“And he did all of this, to...to extract information about that ‘Mr. Clark’?”

He could see Marlena wanting to close herself off, and he wasn't going to let the woman do that, not this time. "Marlena, please ...no one knows what happened to you here...I know it’s hard to talk about it, but we need some answers, we need to know-"

“I don't care!” she snapped, “none of you cared when you sent that monster after me, none of you cared when he drugged me time and time again! When he raped me repeatedly! Yes! he raped me!, or When he killed these poor women...none of you cared, none of you were there! So don’t you dare talk to me about needing answers! I don't give a damn what you want”

Furious, Marlena had said far more than she'd intended to, and she found herself revealing more and more of herself than she really wanted to, and to whom? To him?!.

She felt vulnerable and ashamed and wanted to push Sawyer away, make some awful comment that would send the man back to wherever he came from.

There was silence in the cold room once again. He needed her to keep talking.

"I've seen that agent, Marlena, this guy was twice your size, he had an advantage...so, I guess what happened here, wasn't your fault."

 

"You..you guess?…" Marlena whispered, furiously blinking back tears. She didn't want to cry again, not in front of him, but what he just said, shocked her.

"How did you manage to get away from him, Marlena?  From that agent, that Kit Harington” his expression was hallowed when he spoke, and she wasn’t sure where he was going with this.

“I told you...John found me and-”

“And you took off in the helicopter, right?”

“Yes. Sawyer, I don’t understand”, confusion in her voice, or was it...fear?

“I do. You left Kit to die, a USA agent, salt of the earth….wait, you know what, I remember reading about the investigation into your disappearance from the hotel in Fiji. The report stated that witnesses saw you leave the gala after Kit, did you go to his room?

Then the next day you were both gone. The report also said that the dress you wore the night before was found in his room. How do we know that you didn’t leave with Agent Harrington? How do we know that you were not with him here willingly? As you said, there were no witnesses, just you and him. Well, am I right Dr. Evans?”

 

Marlena glared at Sawyer. “Do you mean to tell me that you think I wanted this? You think I wanted that vile man to touch me? He raped me, Mr. Sawyer! Do you hear me? Am I getting through to you? HE RAPED ME! Repeatedly! Is that what you wanted to hear? That’s what you wanted me to say?” Marlena shrieked. Standing up as quickly as she could in her state, fire in her eyes, Sawyer kept talking, calmly, as nothing bothered him. “So, Dr Evans, you expect me to believe that a decorated ISA agent, with an impeccable record and 10 years of service, just decided to throw it all away over some sick obsession for you?” throwing his hands up in the air to emphasize his disbelief in her words, “Why would he do that? He loved his work and was a damn good agent. He never once had a bad report against him. I find it hard to swallow that he would just turn into that evil man you describe at the drop of a hat.” he stopped for a second, looking at her with disdain. Marlena wanted to talk, well, she wanted to yell, to kick him good and hard between his legs, to make him hurt, but she took quick breaths, but he continued, “Perhaps... you did something to encourage him, maybe you seduced him. You are a beautiful woman, and you know how to use that to your advantage. Maybe you were using Agent Harington.” Sawyer could see the fire coming from her eyes, shooting daggers at him.

 

He thought for just a second that he had gone too far, but she wouldn’t talk to him about it, he wanted answers, and damn it, he was angry. He had every right to know what happened.
 

“Agent Sawyer, I don’t give a damn what you think. You didn’t live the nightmare I did. If agent Harrington was such a good man, and great agent above reproach and all, then why did he go awol from the ISA? Please, explain to me why he would have disappeared for six months? He wasn’t following direct orders and being a model agent then was he? No, he was killing people, other agents included, and holding me away from my family and very much against my will.”

 

He didn't want to think about it, he knew it all too well, he saw the aircraft report, he knew Kit killed these men but he was furious, and when he was, he had to speak out, ”Well, I guess we’ll never know, won’t we? Agent Harington is dead because you left him here to die.”

“I left him here to die?! Oh my, do you even listen to yourself talking? He abused me for weeks..months and you-”

“Allegedly abused you” he cut her mid-sentence

She opened her mouth to speak but she was shocked, feeling dizzy for a second, she held onto the big wooden table at the middle of the room

“Let’s give you the benefit of the doubt, that he did to you what you’re saying that he did,  even though you were in that situation, you don’t get to decide who lives and who dies. This was not your fucking decision, you should have brought him back to Salem so he would get a fair trial by his peers", Sawyer reasoned, "Marlena, look at me." he demanded roughly, standing up.

 

Glaring at her with rage, he waited for her response,  watching her expression as she lifted her face up to meet his eyes, “My...my water just broke.”