“Fuckkk....” John’s head was hammering when he said these last words. His mind was splitting in two, and he couldn’t seem to pinpoint the cause of it. She quickly turned to place her hands to his cheeks, letting the dress fall back to cover her bottom half.
“John? Talk to me, are you alright?”
He opened his eyes, stroking her neck, inspecting the marks his teeth surely left behind.
“I saw you there...with-with me, with us.” 
He kissed her, his lips soft and claiming, in complete contrast to the rawness they just experienced. 
Raw. 
Her skin and mind felt over sensitized. Scraped raw by his rough touch. She allowed their tongues to tangle, her palm pressed to his chest, counting his thunderous heartbeats. 
He tasted hypnotic. 
Like a drug. 
Like freedom. 
Marlena felt his erection as he thrusts his hardness between her legs, igniting her arousal all over again… And she turned away, breaking the kiss. 
She shoved him back. “What is wrong with your head? Why are you in pain?”
“I don’t know baby...all I know is...that you were there-”
Pushing her dress down her legs, she said, “It can’t be.” she slid to the edge of the desk, but his hands pin either side of her thighs. “I know how scared you are,” he said. “That moment when you first say it out loud… there’s no going back, Doc. You’ve already kept it buried too long. Once it’s unleashed, you can’t lock it back up.” 

She stared into his blue eyes, defiant. “Watch me.” She pushed him aside and hurry to the bathroom, grabbing her tattered underwear on the way.

​

She splashed cool water on her face, avoiding the mirror. If she looked, then she’ll see those haunted pictures, flashes of memory. Was it a memory? She was still too weak, too vulnerable in this state to face them. 
Her memories were deceptive. She knew the way the mind worked when recalling the past distorted our reality. Our minds shape and mold a memory every time we looked at it, changing subtle details, altering facts. 
No two people remember past events the same, whether they were both presented at the moment or not. Most people don’t know this, and it can be a frightening realization when they discover the truth. There was no difference between how we recall our past and our actual past—that the outcome, either way, creates a monster. 

​

It was difficult to separate any fact from fiction. So why bother debating theories and nitpicking the particulars? She was young once, and in her youth, she bent to the psychology of the masses. She never again thought of her thesis, or how it may pertain to her own life. It was irrelevant. And in order to move forward, it was imperative that she stopped recalling her own memories of the past. 
How many times had she gone over the details? 

How many times had her mind warped those events? Trying to gain back the memories of her lost years. Were her memories even real anymore, or just fragments of the truth tangled with John’s visions? Like an old cassette tape being recorded over and over, her memories now played back a garbled, distorted song. She opened the small bathroom window, letting the cool air blow in. The birds sing along to the tune in her head, their high-pitched shrieks punctuating the peaks of her anxiety. Why was this so...so unreal? when was she there? How come she doesn't remember having blank moments in her life? 

​

She might go outside for a walk, hoping the stroll through one of her favorite places would calm her worries, as she’d used this escape a lot over the years to quiet her thoughts. But swooping birds overhead grow louder, as if they’re aware of her state of mind, sharing it with one another in their twitter code. Marlena huffed a soundless laugh at her paranoia. The birds don’t care about her or her past. 
She was losing her mind; she was hungry, scared.

 

A chill touched her skin.

She’d recalled the memory of the last time she saw Fernando.

Analyzing it, dissecting it, recollecting the details. The fear he evoked in her….And, she was scared that every time she remembers him, she tied herself to the past, to a memory. 

Her talk with John was hunting her mind. Our minds are so powerful, constructing connections and feelings to a single occurrence, turning something considerably insignificant into a meaningful moment. John was full of passion and elation. But the memory of Fernando’s rough hands on her skin… she shut her eyes, just for a second, allowing the memory to claim her once more before she buried it. 

She inhaled a deep breath full of the cleansing power, and the evening sky darkened, thunder clouds looming. The sound of birds has vanished. The sudden stillness of the twitting outside consumed her senses, and she noticed that she was not alone. 

​

She turned around mumbling. “John...I’m all right.” 
“Are you?” he asked. “I was just wondering if you were okay.” 
She wrapped her arms around her middle and glanced behind him. The night will be down soon. She passed him by toward the bathroom door. 

Everything felt so… undisturbed. As if the past half hour only existed in a fantasy. 
He looked her way. “Talk to me...come on” A hollowness took up residency where she was just so fulfilled, so assured.

“No. We have to leave.”
“Doc, we are not going anywhere.״ his soft hand sent to grab her by the elbow as she turned, “We must stay here, we must understand these memories, these-”
“Fantasies. These visions that you’ve been having of me, being with you there at Stefano’s all those years ago, they are not true, John. Now could we just please stop talking about this and leave before he gets here” releasing her arms from his grasp she marched to the bed, looking for her shoes.
“I want him to get here.”
“Excuse me?” her eyes widened when she raised her head from the floor.
“We need him. If he was right there with us, he must have memories. Hopefully, he could shed some light on the-”
“Are you insane? Letting him find us? I was brutalized enough for one week, thank you. I’m leaving.”

Her stomach pitched. The image John got from Fernando in Lugano a week ago, was laid on the bed. Her dead eyes stare into the photo, blank and vacant. She wondered where was the picture taken. There were at least twenty men there; they were holding guns. Her eyes quickly scanned the photo for a familiar face when she finally found one, no, she found more than one. Her eyes fixated on John’s serious frow; next, to him, she could see Stefano, right behind him was Fernando. 
And then, the realization, oh my god. It was her. Her. It was her.
How could that be? What was she doing there, there was no gun in her hand, but she was right there next to that vile man, next to Stefano.

Then a thought occurred. “Where did the image come from? Where was it taken? Why am I in it” John brow furrowed. “I don’t know, Doc. That is why I want to talk to Fernando.”
She closed her eyes. “I know you’ve come a long way to understand what this picture was all about John, but I’m sorry to disappoint you... I’m not staying to find out” Marlena handed him back the picture. “Stop convince me not to leave.” He squared his shoulders. “I’m worried about you, Doc...  I saw what my memory did to you, what this picture did to you, and I know how you feel... I’ve been there before. Hell, I’m still there.” 

She got closer “I know you are but—” she placed her hands around his neck “—Does it really matter anymore? We’ve been through enough. I want to get the children; I want to know they’re okay. I want, no- I need my life back...please..” she angled her head away as he blazed up and released a breath. 

“You and I both know you won’t be able to put your mind to rest if we won’t get to the bottom of this. I saw you Marlena, crystal clear, you were there, bright as day, years ago. Before I even got to Salem,” she glanced at the photo in his hand. “So why don’t I remember? Why am I speaking Italian?” 
“And why was he marking you with numbers, Doc?”
Her mouth opened with a horrifying understanding
“Yeah. yes Doc, I saw the pictures...every single one of them, he’s a sick, perverted man and I’m gonna stay right here, because he holds the answers to our past and I’m gonna make him tell us everything...and God is my witness...when I’m through with him, he won’t ever touch you, not ever again.”

“John...you’re talking like you know where he is.”
“I do know. He’s right here on the island, and he’ll be here soon. And we’ll be expecting him”
“How-” her voice trailed to a whisper while here eyes frantically roamed the windows
“You’re phone. He has your phone, and I’m tracking it.”

​

​

 

*****

 

The shower door opened, and she was yanked inside. She started to squeal as the water hit her, but a hand immediately covered her mouth. 
“Shhhhh,” he murmured. 
“Don’t make a sound.” He pushed her up against the shower wall and stared down into her eyes. She blinked the water from her lashes and peered up at him. Slowly, he began to pull his hand away.

“John! Oh my god, what are you doing?” she whispered up at him. “Your clothes are completely soaked now.” He looked down, his dark gaze warming as it roamed over her slowly, almost lazily. His lips begin to curve into a smile. “You’re right Doc; they’re soaked.” He grabbed the bottom of his shirt and tugged it up. 
“Wait…,” she hissed, but he didn’t stop. Pulling the shirt over his head, he tossed it carelessly to the side where it landed with a wet plop. “John, we don't have time for this now,” she frowned. 

His mouth came down on her mouth. She reached up, trying to stop him, but his mouth kept slanting over her mouth, driving her to distraction. His kiss deepened, his lips pulling hungrily from her lips. One warm, slick hand came down on her right breast, squeezing it, while the other shoved down his pants. 
“John,” she moaned into his mouth. “We shouldn’t…” 

“Shhhh..Doc, I don’t know how long we have before he gets here..and I need you,” he growled and kissed her harder to keep her quiet. His knee nudged at her knee and then he reached down, pulling her leg up, hooking it on his hip. Groaning into her mouth, he pushed forward, filling her up with his hard cock.

She threw her head back. He was so deep, and she was so full, she felt like he just pinned her to the damn wall. He pulled out slowly and immediately thrust forward. A little sound escaped her lips. His hand slapped over her mouth. “Be quiet baby, he might be close” he hissed. She tried, she really did, but it was so hard to be quiet as he began to fuck her like the end of the world was coming. His wet body slammed into her body like he was trying to slam her through the tile. 

​

And he drove himself so hard, so deep, the power behind his thrusts forced her up on her toes. She clawed at his back, at his sides, and at his shoulders, desperately trying to find something to hold on to, but he was too slick and too wet. Her hands just ended up sliding all over him. “Come for me,” he growled into her ear, and she felt her body begin to respond to his command. Her mind protested the submission; they needed to talk, there was so much to discuss, but her core pulsed and the pressure inside her expanded. 
“Come for me, Marlena,” he growled again, and then his teeth latched onto her neck. He drove into her harder and deeper. Smashing her ass against the wall. “John,” she groaned behind his hand, and his grip tightened. His cock drove extra deep, and he rubbed her clit. She jerked against him, crying out his name again.

Teeth releasing her neck, he hissed, “You gotta keep it down, baby.”
“John, we gotta stop, he’s gonna be here soon…”

​

She inhaled, anger and lust and excitement all riding her. Anger that he was solving their problems with sex, lust for the alpha male in him, and God help her, the running away thing repelled her and excited her at the same time. “I don’t want to stay away from you. I want you to fuck you.” his words seemed to snap her taut restraint. He pulled her back in his arms, his lips fusing with hers unerringly. His tongue plundered her in a sensual way her body had craved for days. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her anger morphing into all-out desire as he turned them and pressed her against the other tile wall. Yes, yes, this is what she craved.
“Fuck me…,” she exhaled in desperation. 

 A passion to remind her that she was real, not just some sad excuse of a woman who had been held captive for days. Before she knew it, he’d shoved her hard against the wall, his hands sculpting her shoulders, massaging them as he ravaged her mouth. She reveled in the warmth of his hand on her neck as his mouth skated down, kissing the hollows of her throat, sucking on her collarbone. “Like this?” he asked, his voice dark and gravelly. “You want me to take you up against this wall?” “Yes,” She moaned. 

Gone. 

Past caring as long as he kept his hands on her. Out of control, her brain whispered, but she beat back the dark warnings as his warm hand found her breast and squeezed, his fingers rolling her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. She gasped in pleasure and arched her back to get closer to his body, ignoring the fear that pricked at the surface. The rules girl in her head stamped her foot and yelled at her. She ignored her. But even if she wanted to stop right now, she couldn’t. Her tongue tangled wildly with his, her hands pulled at his hair, spurring him on, his hand palming her breast and then tugging. Sharp sensations of need went straight to her core. 

​

“Is this what you want, Doc?” There was something dirty to his words. “Yes, like that,” She whispered against his shoulder, her mouth on his skin, tasting him as her teeth bit down. She pressed against him and rocked. 
Friction. 

More. 

He grunted and hoisted her up until her legs looped around his hips, his shorts and the hard length inside pulsating against her skin. He moved sinuously, his long legs supporting her weight as she squirmed to get his body closer to the place she wanted. She clung to him, a fire building under her skin, in her blood. She rocked wildly and reached around to grab his ass and shove him against her. 

​

Take me, John. Make me forget. Make me feel good again.

​

“Marlena, ..oh fuck” he said hoarsely. “I can’t stop, Doc., I can't be gentle” They’d passed the point of no return. He was hungry for her, just as much as she wanted him. His mouth skated down with his hands as he took her nipple between his lips and sucked. She groaned, the sound primitive and loud in the quiet cabin. Hot fingers slipped under, finding her wet core and massaging the wetness.

 

“Yes,” She whispered, gripping his arm and moving him faster, showing him what she wanted. 

More, more. 

“Slow down, baby,” he whispered and played her effortlessly with his fingers, dipping in and then out, finding the sensitive nub and flicking it and then teasing her by darting away. But she didn’t want to go slow. She wanted fast and hard and rough before reality creeps back again.

“John.” She bit his neck, making him grunt. “Make me come.” He kissed her harder, his tongue fucking her mouth like she wanted his cock to. “I want you so bad I can’t think straight,” he whispered between kisses.
“Me too.” She’d gone over the edge when it came to him. She’d lost all sense of where she was … who he was … her past few days. Yet … Darkness inched in bit by bit. 

​

“Come for me, Marlena,” he grunted into her ear, and she exploded. Colors overtake the spots flashing in front of her eyes, and warm, wet waves rolled through her core. 

“Yes,” he grunted quietly as she clamped down on him. “That’s a good girl.” She felt him swell up, growing inside her, then he grinded himself slow and deep as he filled her up with his warmth. She gasped in a mouthful of much-needed air. He held her tightly as she twitched and spasmed on top of his cock. Catching her breath and still coming at the same time. As soon as the last tremor faded and she got some of her strength back, she pushed him away. Their eyes meet. Hers were confused and hazy.

 

His were warm and tender. “We have to get ready,” he hissed. He smirked and tucked an errant strand of her hair behind her ear.
“Come on; he’ll be here soon.”