1996. Underground Paris. 

 

“You cannot do this to me…” Their eyes met once again. His look was sharp and unyielding.

“It's done, it's over” She grabbed hold of her dressing gown and began to dress again. It won’t be long. Just another few buttons.

“We had an agreement-”

“-and now we don't.” She interrupted him. Her lips formed a firm line as she glowered at him. 

“Now we don’t? How can you be so selfish? What about your freedom, your children?” he hissed out angrily.

 

Marlena breathed sharply, loathing the fact that his hands were under her dress. “I want to be with my children more than anything in the whole world, but I will not prostitute myself to do that. What kind of example would that be for Belle? I will not give you my body. You can overpower me, you can take what you want, but it will have to be rape.”

His demeanor shifted to the sound of that word, but only for a mere second.

She blurted out before she could stop herself. His features became furious again. It terrified her, something sinister coiled from deep within her. She frowned at him. “I will not submit to you. I will not trade my freedom for my soul... I thought that I could, I thought that my mind and my soul were separate from what happened to my body, but I was wrong…I heard John's prayer, I heard his words, and no matter what you say or what you do to me, I will always hate you. Now and forever.” She gasped and stilled. Her words were innocent, but she knew exactly what his reply could be, and that sickened her. 

Her mind screamed and her lips quivered in silence. Waiting for his reply.

 

“You bitch. Bitch.” he grumbled quietly before he briefly stepped forward. “You led me on...you teased me, you tempted me, you made me think that my fantasies could come true...damn you...damn you damn you...DAMN YOU!” Her mind refused to comprehend his words or actions. 

It was numbed. 

Numbed was safe. 

The growl he emptied into the cage sent a shiver through her. His words were rough and unrelenting, so different from how he looked at her only a few seconds ago. 

 

“No, I will not be denied, not by you, not by anyone!” his scream echoed through the room. Her eyes widened at his words and she stood still glaring at him, shocked. 

Anger flooded through her. 

She gaped at him in horror. 

 

“Who the hell do you think you are?! You know how much I love you, I am ready to give you the world and..here, this, see this? A crown. A crown for a queen, my queen?! What queen?!” Stefano snapped. 

His arm flinched, and from the dangerous look in his eye, she suddenly feared he’ll hit her. As he raised his hand, she closed her eyes and waited for the impending blow. But he didn’t hit her. Instead, his hands rattled the small dresser, the drawer broke in his attempt to open it. He slipped his fingers into the wooden compartment and yanked the jewel outside. With surprising strength, he hauled an exquisite crown in front of her face. And she was shocked when waved it in mid-air. “This was worn by a real queen, Marie Antoinette, you see, you see the jewels, they are real, every one of them, precious beyond your wildest imaginations. And what are they worth to me now? Nothing. They are worthless! Worthless, worthless you see!” He didn’t stop. No, he pushed toward her again, unfazed by the way she pulled back. The way his soul attempted to climb inside her through his rage frightened her. Every hair on her body stood on end, and she couldn’t help but realize how alive she felt. 

So scared. 

He could hurt her if he wanted. 

Her body squirmed in a need to getaway. 

 

“You see? Huh? They are worthless, they mean nothing to me because you...you have ripped my heart out Marlena!” The way that man was screaming at her was so powerful. It was as if his wrath somehow tried to consume her body. 

 

Her reply didn't waver “As you did to me when you took me from my children-”

 

He moved closer and she swore her soul nearly caught fire from the nearness. She was frozen in fear when he got closer and closer. She wanted to shout for John. She wanted to hit him and make him stop. “Well, get used to it! Because you have sealed your fate, you are never gonna get away from me, never!”  

 

Pushing her slightly as he reached for the cage’s door. His nearness made her gasp. She whimpered. Her breathing has become fast and erratic as his raging words. 

The horror.

She was his prisoner.

He could do whatever he set his mind to.

Turning to close the door in her face he took a long breath, his voice quieter. His tall frame stiffened as he stood by the door. “I will have you...yes, and one day you will come to my bed, willingly. You will want me, as much as I wanted you,” he growled.

 

“Never….NEVER!!!” She cried out, her body shuddered. Her blood boiled with rage because he was wrong. 

 

“Scream all you want!” he yelled from afar as his loud strides echoed the walls.

Marlena punched the cage door until her fists were too sore to hit the metal any longer. 

“Please,” she sobbed.

.

.

.

.

“Doctor Evans” the muffled sound hit her ears. She tilted her head, trying to break through the haziness, but it wouldn’t budge. She came closer, Marlena could only see her teeth when she smiled. Her words were comforting, she assumed, but she couldn’t make out their meaning.

Memories assaulted her aching mind.

​

This was not happening again, it's only a memory.

This is not real, It's over.

You are a doctor, a very good one and you’re safe, you’re at the hospital, in Salem.

This is not real.

Do your job.

Do it.

 

“Marlena-”

Her office was dimly lit. All she saw were shadows. Revulsion and dread brew in her. Never had she felt that level of abandon with another human being. 

“Doctor Evans, John Black was here to see you, I told him you were busy, so he said he was going to grab a cup of coffee and will be back in a few minutes” the cheer in her voice broke on her skin.

“Cynthia” she managed finally, a low tremor to her voice. She hasn’t picked up on that. “Thank you, I’m done for the day, I really need to leave.” Fear coursed through her insides, tearing apart her sanity with each breath. 

“Dr. Evans, are you all right?” she finally asked, her eyes searching her boss’s in the dim light of her office. She saw John coming closer, cups of coffee in hand. 

She needed to get away.

“Of course, I’m just tired...tell John I'm sorry, but I had to go. Thank you..goodbye.”

 

All she wanted was to forget. 

To send it back to the back of her mind, where all buried things lay silently.

 

Striding toward her car, Marlena was hyperventilating, and she couldn’t hold it together any longer as she turned her head away from her friends at the parking lot. She couldn’t look at them, she couldn’t even start to explain it. Her mind was like a tornado filled with sounds and images.

Nightmares couldn’t compare to this. 

What she thought couldn’t exist in this world.

 

***

 

1993. Airport. John’s plane.

 

Wrapping herself with her white camisole, she laid her cheek against his chest. It tickled and her mind found peace in that moment. There was more damage control that will need to be done in the future. But lying next to John, hearing his shallow breaths as she drifted asleep, relieved the urgency she normally felt to control the matter. That sense of the forbidden. The thing she sought when she closed her eyes while John was inside of her. She'd imagine scenarios of doing the wrong thing. Letting a man who was not her current husband take her without asking. That secret, it was what allowed her to enjoy. 

Now that desire was still a secret, but it was a living one.

 

She wasn't supposed to be there.

It happened so fast. 

They must have dozed off.

Dreaming of sunsets at the park and then the sun, once kissing her skin, was burning her eyes. 

No, it was not the sun.  

Not dreaming. 

This was real. 

Is that John? 

No, it was…she didn't know. She opened her mouth to call John's name. 

She couldn’t focus on anything else. She began to shake uncontrollably, the rain continuing to beat against the aircraft outside.

 

“Don't scream,” a gritty voice whispered. She couldn’t see what was behind the bright light. She didn't have time to think or rationalize. She just sat there, stunned. But it only lasted a second before she rebelled. 

 

“John!” He jolted up in response to the alarm in her voice. The intruder shined a light at him, that was when she got a better look.

 

Mark Edwards.

 

He was her patient. Borderline personality 

Maybe he was unaware of why he was so hostile toward women; maybe he despised his mother. He recently suffered a stressor that sent him over the edge—his wife left him. Humiliated him. Perhaps these slights have happened to him all his life…and now he was ready to set it right with her.

 

There was something seethed in his eyes. She saw little flashes of residual light in her vision, making it hard to adjust to the darkness. 

“Who the hell are you?” John asked. The man grabbed her arm and pulled her up. She let out a cry but sucked it back in when a cold blade rested against her neck. 

“Oh my god,” she sobbed. 

“Doctor Evans knows exactly who I am...” 

John put his palms out, showing he was willing to cooperate. “Take whatever you want. Please just don't hurt her.” 

“I won't. Just do what I say.” The knife slipped away from her neck, but as soon as that relief hit her, there was a poke in her back, just where her heart would be if the knife sliced through her ribs. She kneeled in between him and John. Even if John, a 7'4” could get to him, she'd get caught up between them. 

She'd probably get stabbed. 

 

“Tie him up,” the devilish voice ordered.

“We'll do what you want. You don't have to tie—” 

The knife pinched her skin. “Do it.” 

“O—okay.” She reached carefully for the rope. It looked like a climbing rope. “Turn around,” the masked man directed John. “Hands behind your back.” John pursed his lips, his barely-awake mind wrestling with his options, and turned with a protesting huff. She sobbed as she wrapped the rope around his hands. 

 

“I'm sorry,” She whispered to John. 

“Don't talk. Tie it tight,” the man grunted. She could tell he was trying to disguise his voice. “It's okay, Doc. Just stay calm, I’m here.” 

“Enough.” 

She nodded and tied the rope as weakly as she could without being obvious. “Feet,” he grumbled. She took the other rope and bound John’s feet. The man pushed her to the side and tossed the flashlight haphazardly on the sofa so that it shined away from them. 

 

“You run and I'll kill him,” he warned. She realized she had to do whatever it took to keep that man away from him, even if it meant fully cooperating. 

He was a very disturbed man.

What did he want?

She'll give him everything she has. 

 

She sat at the edge of the sofa, trembling, stifling her cries as he redid her handiwork, tying John in a complex series of knots, attaching the feet and arms so that he was hog-tied. He grabbed a tie-dye scarf from the bed and covered John's eyes. It was the first time she got a full view of Mark. It has been a while since he was at her office. She was off a lot thanks to Stefano. He was not short, but not as tall as John, maybe five-eleven or six feet. She could tell through the dark shirt and military-style pants he was wearing that he was built. Not thick and muscular like a bodybuilder. 

More lithe, like an athlete. 

 

John may have him beat on height, but this guy was more solid, and she was not sure John could take him. She knew she’d certainly be no match. Once he had John immobilized. He turned his attention to her. 

He walked over to her, remarkably light on his feet, despite the tall black boots he was wearing. He reached down and turned off the flashlight and put it in his pocket. 

 

“You okay?” John asked. 

He was lying on his side on the sofa, facing away from her, but he tilted his neck a little to address her.

“Mmmhmm,” She muttered, afraid of upsetting the man tying her hands behind her back. He reached for the other twine and placed it in his pocket. Gripping the painfully tied man around his arms, he pulled him to his feet. 

“Show me where your money is,” he commanded, pushing him out the door. “Move and I'll kill all of you. I'll slit her throat.” Pushing him down to the plane’s floor, he dragged him to the cockpit. Locking the door, leaving him inside.

 

He blindfolded her next.

 

“Mark, why are you doing this?” She sniped. 

He didn’t answer. 

Her gut twisted in sickness. This was too much work for someone who wanted money. She was bound and John was trapped. She had no choice but to quietly comply. He yanked her by the arm and dragged her to her feet.

“Enough.” His hands gripped her waist and he sent her launching onto the sofa again. 

They were on the sofa. A place where only an hour ago, she made love to John again after years apart.

 

“No,” She whimpered. ״Please,” She wanted to scream, thrash, fight. But her hands were numbed from the binds and he was strong. And if she ran, he could hurt John. 

 

“Marlenaaa…” He crawled over her, using his knees to separate her legs. She resisted, but what she mounted was met with effortless handling. His hands ran up her thigh, over the papery fabric of her pink skirt. He rubbed his fingertips on one of her nipples. She writhed underneath him, but that only seemed to encourage him, as she felt his hardness stab against her pelvis. With the adrenaline shooting through her system and her sight stripped from her, her sense of smell becomes acute. He smelled faintly of soap, as if he had showered before coming here. His clothes smell as though they have just been laundered. This was someone methodical.

That fact sent a chill down her back. His warm breath formed a trail along her neck. “I've waited for you,” he whispered. “You're so beautiful, you look even sexier than you do at your office.” 

She didn't respond. 

“Shit,” he hissed. “Don't move.” 

The weight of his warm body lifted away and she was left cold and alone. She thought he'd left the cabin, but not sure. He had an uncanny ability to make very little noise. She deliberated if she should book it. She could make it to the gate to the Federal Immigration. But she was paralyzed with indecision. Unsure of what will lead to survival and what would ultimately cause more trouble. 

Finally, she decided to try to make a run for it. 

Even blindfolded, she could feel her way out of the airplane if he was distracted. 

She had to try. 

 

She rolled to her side and got herself upright. She kept her legs on the edge of the sofa to guide herself towards the cabin’s door. Then she started to run. 

Smack. 

She took about four steps before she hit a firm body. 

She could smell him. 

She quivered in fear. 

Will he hurt her? 

Will he hurt John for her disobedience? She almost dropped to the floor in terror. He didn’t say anything. Instead, he again handled her like a doll, and rested on top of her. 

 

“I gave John a choice. I told him ten haymakers to the face, or I fuck you. Guess what he said?” 

“He wouldn't. John would never-” John would never let another man have her. Will never have anyone harm her. 

“Oh, he did,” the menacing figure whispered in her ear. “But you have a choice too. You can veto him. I can go to the other room and punch him as hard as I can in the face fifteen times, or I can fuck you. You’re a doctor Marlena; you know his face will be destroyed. He'll never be the same. That is if he survives. Make the choice,” he snapped, not giving her much time to give attention to a fleeting thought. 

She imagined John, helplessly blindfolded on his knees. Unable to see the punches coming. 

Unable to brace. 

Spit and blood splattering on the sofa and cabin wall. His nose ended up on the side of his face. His eye sockets were crushed. 

 

She could do this. 

 

“Please don’t do this..”

“God, you’re so hot when you beg...”  He ignored her pleadings. 

 

She could take the pain for both of them. She didn't want to believe he sent Mark back there to rape her. And in her heart, she didn't. But if he did, she didn't blame him. At least her scars will be on the inside. 

“Don't hurt him,” She begged. “You…you can…” 

“I can what?” 

“Do it.” 

“Say it. Say it exactly how I said it.” 

“F—fuck me.” 

He breathed heavily, the warmth of it fanning across her chest. “You did the right thing, Marlena.” This man knew her. 

His gloved fingers run along her lips. “I'm gonna come inside of you. You make me so hard, Marlena..you always have.” The desire made it hard for him to hide the enthusiasm in his voice, which was even raspier than usual. His lips traced along her neck. 

Like John used to do.

It tickled. 

It felt good. 

It made her sick. 

Her mind zigzagged in confusion. 

 

She didn't want this, but her nerve endings didn't know how to translate his touch. She heard him shuffle, and then when his hands were on her again, the cold leather was gone and she was met with warm fingertips. 

“You have such a beautiful body.” He pulled up her skirt. She was exposed, powerless, entirely submitted. “I've wanted to taste your cunt since our first session.” That word, it shocked her like a live wire. She'd maybe heard it used once before. 

Wet softness gripped one of her nipples. 

His mouth. 

She sobbed, eyes and lips clenched, trying not to let cries escape. “You're so fucking soft,” he gristled, his mouth still sucking on her breast, confusing her body. She could feel the blood rushing between her legs. She wanted to tell it to stop, but she couldn't. She was just as much a prisoner to her body as she was to him. His fingers made their way between her legs. He gently slipped them between her lips. 

Fondling her. 

Like her body was a toy for his pleasure. “You're fucking soaked.” She shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I'm gonna watch my come drip out of those lips when I'm done with you, Doc.” He said Doc, almost mockingly. “I was going to make you suck me off first, but your pussy was so ready. Do you feel how hard I am?” 

She didn't answer. 

“I asked a question.” The blade of the knife made a surprise appearance against her neck. Fear sliced through her like a lightning bolt. 

“Y--yes.” 

“You made the choice, Marlena. You didn't have to do this. You wanted me to. You walk around in those short skirts. Teasing with your hard nipples. You wanted me to come for you.” 

 

“I'm your therapist, I helped you,” She whispered. 

“Many times,” he taunted. “You wanna shrink me again, or something?” he breathed into her face.

“Please Mark, please don’t do this...you’re a good man.” Before she could engage any further, he took her breath away as he slid his fingers into her. 

 

It was stunning. 

 

He had violated her already, yes, but this—he was inside of her now. Even if it was just his fingers. He was penetrating her. 

“Please,” she begged. 

“Tell me you love it like you do for him, come on, Doc.” 

She shook her head. He kept rubbing, his palm pressing against her clit. She felt that build-up she felt earlier today with John. She tried to take her mind elsewhere, to stop it. The reverse of what she had to do with John.

 

“Don't upset me,” he grunted. The knife cut into her skin. “Tell me.” 

“I love it,” she answered through tears. She couldn’t tell if his rhythm was making her hips slowly rock or if it was her body involuntarily conceding. But before she could humiliate herself, he stopped, giving her time to catch her breath. His fingers met her lips again. She could smell the faint aroma of sex on his fingertips. 

“Lick it with the tip of your tongue.” She sheepishly darted out her tongue to taste a hint of the saltiness. “I want you to see this,” he said, whipping off her blindfold. 

Their eyes locked. 

Her eyes have adjusted to the darkness, and she gasped when she saw him. 

His eyes. 

They were glowing. 

He was real. 

He was terrifyingly real. 

 

She watched as he licked her wetness off of his fingers. “It tastes better than I have ever imagined. We're going to do a lot tonight. I'm gonna eat that pussy over and over. But first, I'm shoving my cock inside of you.” 

“Please, please listen to me, you don’t have to do this.” She bargained as a last-ditch effort.

“This is all I’ve been dreaming of..for months...you ignored me, ignored my attempts, but I will not be denied.” He remarked in a sinister tone, reaching down to pull himself out. She looked down against her better judgment to see a swollen head. He was pent up and massively aroused. It was thick, thicker than John, who was not lacking in that department at all. 

“You're mine, Marlena. I'm going to mark you like a fucking animal.” 

It was inevitable. 

She made her choice. 

To make this sacrifice for John. She could live with this, but she couldn’t live with his being hurt. He pressed the head up against her slick lips. She gasped as he slid it up and down, lubricating himself with her wetness. And then he was done being gentle, pushing against her tight, nervous muscles to penetrate her. 

She sucked in a sharp breath. 

“Yeah...just like you do for him…”

Her mind raced with thoughts in that brief moment. Earlier that evening, she was cheating on her husband with the sweetest man she knew. 

Karma.

Now bound in a room with her patient.

 

He was inside of her. Nothing will be the same. He pulled in and out, in and out. Fucking her. Stretching her. She moaned through tears as his free hand roved along her body, squeezing, rubbing. His teeth tugged on her nipples. The other hand still held the knife. His hand clenched it firmly like he was stopping himself from using it against her. 

 

The intruder pressed his lips against hers. The itchy wool of the mask scratched against her cheek as she opened her lips, letting him conquer another hole. He was kissing her, and she found herself so utterly dominated that she let him do so without a fight. What was a kiss when he was already pulsing his dick inside of her? 

 

Mark wrapped his arm around her and pulled her up, so that he was kneeling on the sofa and she was sitting on him. He rocked her up and down. She was his toy, helpless, her arms still tied behind her. Her confounded body and mind war as the cock inside of her stubbornly insisted on taking her to a place she didn't want to go. 

She tightened around him. 

Her moans get louder, a mix of pleasure, fear, and defeat. 

“I'm gonna fill you, Doc.” 

Here it was again. That name from his lips.

“No,” she mewled. 

“Yes.” His throat quivered as he chuffed. “I can feel you clenching on my cock.” He squeezed her ass. “I think you're different,” he taunted. 

“Fuck you,” she sneered. 

“You already are.” He pulled her tightly towards him, so that she was so full, so overwhelmed with him, that she couldn't fight it any longer. 

“No…no…” she cried.

 

***

 

1996. University hospital. Parking lot.

 

Cold— that was what Marlena felt. 

Stiff was the second. 

Not just in her legs and arms, but in her jaw. It was like she had been chewing gum for weeks straight. 

Stress.

She didn’t know where all this aching had come from. 

It all came back to her as fast and as sharp as Mark’s teeth on her breasts.

The Swiss army knife. 

His hands.

The clamping of her tongue. ‘I gave John a choice. I told him ten haymakers to the face, or I fuck you. Guess what he said?’ Mark’s voice in her mind. Her eyes shot open. The only thought on her mind came flying out of her lips,

“Oh, God...”

 

Only a few more steps and she’ll be in the safety of her car.

The realization that people could be so cruel. 

Memories.

They wouldn’t leave her. 

The sounds of his ragged breath, the look in his eyes. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying desperately to block out what she’d seen, but it wouldn’t go away. 

 

She heard slow, steady footsteps approach, the car’s door opened and John's grip tightened on her arm, and her body went rigid. And then, she heard his voice. It sounded like it came from afar, like a soft wind. But it was clear. He said her name.

“Are you okay?” His voice was the same one as it was 3 years ago while he was tied up. The scent of soap and aftershave wafted off him. She nodded, because she couldn’t think of what else to do as the horror kicked her in the gut. She heaved in breath after breath, her chest wheezing, limbs shaking as she stared at the carpet beneath her feet and tried to get the images out of her head. 

“I saw you leaving the office, I came to see you. Didn’t you hear me calling you?” His even breaths were audible in the quiet space between them. “Doc, look at me,” he ordered. 

 

Oh, God. 

 

“I can’t...you-you brought me back home, to my family, to the people that I love...but, my scars are too deep..Stefano he-” her voice trailed off as she wiped the tears off her cheek.

“You told me he didn’t-”

“He didn’t.” Her reply was quick, “but it brought back memories...I was unfaithful to Roman, and this was my punishment-”

“Don’t you dare say that. It’s not true” he gritted his teeth. “Look at me..” this time it was a quiet request. 

She didn’t want to, yet she knew he would never hurt her. John hauled her up beside him. His voice low as his steel tone whispered in her ear. 

He knew.

“It’s over, you’re safe, Doc, I’m here.” 

“Oh, God, John, please...I know you mean well, but please leave me alone.” Pulling from his arms, she buried her face between her warm palms, uncontrollable cries racking her body, her temple against the cold window, her cheek pressed to it. 

“I changed my mind,” She said finally. “I can’t go back to work. No one knows about what happened, I can't let them know...” 

“Doc-” He tried, but got cut off by her words. “I know they gave me a choice and I made it. Just like I did that night, 3 years ago.” 

 

Like a cold rush of water, the memories came back. Sometimes she couldn’t believe they were true. That she told an intruder to fuck her instead of letting John take the hits himself. But she didn’t know anything anymore. She was weak, weaker than she thought. 

She bit her lip as tears rolled down her cheeks. 

 

Fuck, Marlena, keep it together. 

 

But keeping it together required energy she had to conserve. 

He was worried, she could tell.

He said nothing. He didn’t even look in her direction. He just moved his hand in his hair. “Doc, I failed you… I wasn’t there to-” 

“What have you sacrificed? What did you tell him when he asked you?”

“Asked me? Who? What are you talking about?” 

“You know, when Mark gave you a choice…” She hinted, not wanting to unleash the elephant in the room that sat beside them, quietly, taunting them. 

 

She shouldn't do this. 

It was not fair, but it was always at the back of her mind, eating away at her resolve from the very beginning. When she was given a choice, she put her body on the line. She wouldn't let Mark hurt John, so she told him he could have her. 

“When he asked if you'd take the punches or let him—” 

She couldn’t say it. There was so much shame weaved into those words. 

“Let him what? What are you talking about?” John worried. 

“Let him fuck me!” She shouted. It was cathartic, spilling out the hidden sickness inside of her like that. She’d tried to protect John, but it wasn’t working. He braced and for a moment it looked like he'll be sick. She watched him search his memories. “I don't know what you're talking about Doc. You mean that night?” His eyes glazed over with tears and now she was going to be sick. “You think I would have let him…” he choked up, “do that to you? You think I would have given him permission like it was mine to give?” The hurt on his face was so vivid, she couldn't bear to look at it. She could tolerate her own pain better than his. 

“He told me—” 

“He's a liar!” He shouted. 

 

“John—” She called to him apologetically. He didn’t look well. He was pale and his eyes were pink and puffed. What she asked was cruel. “I'm sorry for what I implied. I had some elaborate speech in my head, but really I'm just sorry, John.” 

He dipped his head back, running his fingers through his hair, messy from a long day. They were both already so tired. His chest and shoulders dropped as he rubbed his hands over his face. “I'm sorry I didn't protect you, Doc. I'm sorry if I'm smothering you since you returned. I just—I feel like I failed you and...I've been waiting so long to talk to you about it, and it's like you're right here in front of me, but I can't reach you. I've thought about how amazing things would be when it was all over, I thought we were going to tell Roman the truth, but I wasn't here, I ran. The cops came to my house to talk to me, looking for new information, anything I could have remembered. I didn’t mention it because I hate bringing that night up. But it made me relive it, and it’s fresh again and I feel like he’s right around the corner to touch you. I want to help, but I have nothing and I feel so fucking ineffective. That fucking bastard—” 

 

She shook her head, regret pinching her chest. “No. No. John. He’s in jail. He’s not coming back for me. I understand this is hard on you too.” She shook her head, shifting in her seat to face the steering wheel. “But I can’t keep talking about it, not now, not today...I need to get out of here, I need a bath.” Igniting the engine, the car keys rattled in her shaky fingers, playing a dark, chiming melody that chilled her to the bone.

“All right,” John said. “Let’s go, then. Move over, I’ll drive you.” 

“No.” The word darted forth without effort. Has she ever told him no before? The fact that she was processing this here, now, snapped her out of her haze. “No, John. I’m going alone.” Anger seized his features. 

“You’re not driving alone in your state,” he said, his voice deep and commanding. “It’s not safe.” 

She almost laughed. “My state? I’ve been in this state for a lot longer than I’ve known you. I can handle it.” Sheegnited the engine. “Besides, I’m not entirely sure how Kristen would feel about you and me spending time together. I need…some time for myself. And I need to be alone now.” 

 

John watched her, the cold breeze sweeping his hair lopsided along his forehead. He looked too disheveled, too unnerved. She has to ball her hand to keep from reaching out to him. “It wasn’t a request, Doc. I have your best interests at heart.” 

 

Stunned, she stared at him. How can he be so formal right now? “I’m driving, stop doing this to me.” 

“Yes, but not alone, Marlena. Not when you’re this upset.” 

“Unbelievable,” she muttered. Licking her lips, she turned to him. “Do you remember when we were lying on the airplane sofa after he left? I couldn’t move. I couldn’t comprehend what had happened to us..to me..” For the first time, she saw his face pale with fear. 

 

“Anything. I’ll give anything to go back to that night and save you. Anything.” 

Before she lost her mind, allowing her emotions to crumble her will, she reached behind her neck and unclasped the bracelet he gave her years ago. She dropped the gold skylark in her palm, the chain following its path to pool around it. She then extended her hand out to him. “Right now, I want to be alone. I can’t forget that night… You gave it to me that night and it’s a constant reminder.” A muscle feathered along his jaw. 

“Marlena, your guilt is—” 

“Don’t,” she said, looking down at the ground. Not into his eyes. “Don’t talk to me about guilt. You can’t possibly fathom what I’m feeling.” He didn’t accept the necklace. Instead, he motions to his pocket. 

 

“John, please—” He reached to unbuckle her safety belt. “Come on, switch places with me. You don’t want to drive to Kristen’s, that’s fine, but I’m still taking you home to your penthouse, and keep the bracelet. It was my gift to you.” 

Her fingers curled around the chain and opened the door. He watched her circling the car to reach its other side. 

“Thank you...I can’t bear to see anyone right now.” She said, sitting straight, as much as her muscles would allow.

 

He settled in front of her steering wheel, his chest raised, his broad shoulders tensed. “If your house is where you want to go, I’ll take you there.” He turned to face her. His hands clasped her face, his breath searing her lips as she looked up into his drawn face. “I made choices in the past for which I’m bound to suffer the consequences. I’m human. I’m imperfect. I know I shouldn't have left...I didn't know how to handle what happened. But all was done out of my concern for you. I thought you needed space.” She swallowed past the ache his touch provoked. 

 

“You need to know,” he said, “Mark, he has been released from prison a week ago – I kept an eye on him, Marlena. I couldn’t do anything to help you and it nearly killed me...I had to stay on top of it” 

“How do you know—?” She closed her eyes briefly, the answer so obvious it was painful. “You’re not going to make it go away that easily, John.” 

“I know, but you deserve the truth,” he said, his thumb caressing her cheek as he tilted his head, his eyes fixed on her. He kissed her cheek before she pulled away, his intimate touch left her breathless. 

“Just..take me home.”